If someone said to me 30odd weeks ago- you will be planning to have a vaginal birth, you will feel positive about it, you won’t feel fucking terrified and you will actually be kinda looking forward to it. Then I would have laughed hysterically so hard I would have fallen on the floor still laughing and rolling about the floor like some demented weebl. I mean seriously THAT WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
But it has!? Here I am at 35weeks making the active choice to aim for a VB (with CS as a kinda back up plan). I genuinely never ever ever thought I would get here. EVER. I mean even 4 weeks ago I was convinced I was ELCSing but once I had the growth scan (which is kinda what I was counting on) and even the slightly bigger than average baby with a big head my mind has totally shifted in the last week. I mean I am still reserving the right to change my mind again- but I have a plan and the hospital are incredibly supportive of my plan (they helped me develop it) and I kinda feel that whatever happens this time its kinda going to be okay.
Weirdly I also am finally at peace with Munchkin’s birth. It was a shitty shitty time but it was circumstances and just what happened and it wasn’t my fault and here we are almost 2 years later all happy and healthy and Munchkin is about to get a baby sister.
So yeah who is slipping me valium? Or is Womble exercising some crazy mind control hormone shit on me? Or is the hypnobirthing CD that I have only listened to 3times- exerting some kind of mental hold over me? Who knows!? I am utterly befuddled by my MASSIVE SHIFT but I feel happy in my choices and happy in outcomes so long as me and Womble get to other side healthy and okay.
I will do a Oscars style thankyou speech properly once Womble is here properly but the main one of today is the Head of the Delivery suite who’s above and beyond support of me has got me to believing I can do it. Wowsers.