Am feeling a bit distant from you at the minute which is silly considering you are about as close to me as anyone is going to get and only Munchkin and the babies that didn’t make it have shared that level of intimacy with me! So I thought writing you a letter might help. I feel you kick and it makes me smile and I love it when H sings to you and you kick back, I also love how Munchkin is bonding with my tummy and kissing you and shouting Hiya at you, she even tried to feed you a piece of tangerine and give you her dummy today! But I think there maybe is an element of me worrying about getting attached to you incase something goes wrong or because I haven’t quite worked out how you are going to get here yet (they keep telling me “tickled out by fairies” isn’t an option. Sigh.) but I hope that with each passing week as I get closer and closer to meeting you that this will sort itself out. I know I seem to be forgetting I am pregnant a bit much at the minute and am such a hormonal mentalist at the minute that a badly premenstrual teenager popping HRT would struggle outdo me, so I apologise if my womb is a bit of an annoying place to be at minute, but hey I am eating a lot of cake so you are totally getting treats!
I can’t wait to meet you and if I had a fast forward button for the next 14 or so weeks I would press it (partly because I am hopeless at deferred gratification and partly because I am fed up of being a completely hormonal mentalist and want to jump to the next bit). I want to know if you are going to be like your sister (who as it turns out is scarily like me- tantrums and all) or more like your chilled out dad. (I also secretly hope you are ginger like him!) I can’t wait to introduce you to your big sister who is going to utterly adore you and probably be quite jealous of the attention you get in equal measure.
I already know some of the things I will do differently this time to how I dealt with your big sister and I wonder if that will make some of the newborn haze easier to deal with. I mean I’m an expert this time around right?- you will benefit from this- with your sister I had never ever changed a nappy until she came along and now I am a total pro! I also learned how to make sandwiches whilst on the phone while breastfeeding. I can be your marvellous multitasking mummy!
I can’t wait to hold and cuddle you for the first time and I am crossing everything that it gets to be within minutes of your birth and not 24hours like it was with your sister. The most important thing is you arrive safely and we love and cherish you exactly like we do your sister. I did worry that my love for you both would have to split in half but from talking to other people it actually doubles. So that’s a whole lot of love coming your way.
I admit I am a bit worried about the changes to the family dynamic- your sister is going to have to learn she no longer rules the roost, and we are going to have to balance meeting both of your needs and our own. But we’ll muddle along and figure it all out somehow. Because that’s what families do and that’s what we are. A family of four!
I love you my little womb diglet, and I really really love that you just kicked me back in response to me writing that. 😀