So I am back from appointment 5 and I have to say I am slightly in shock. In a good way. As you know from previous blog posts over last week or so I have been stressing about this appointment for weeks now. I had been getting teary and a bit panicky just thinking about it.
Well um. Turns out actually thinking and talking through the traumatic memories is way way less traumatic than the ‘thinking about thinking and talking about them!?’. I think I had been getting upset at the thought of getting upset. d’oh!
We didn’t even need to do any EMDR stuff- I just wasn’t traumatised enough! I was able to calmly and rationally talk through what happened and yes I did get a bit upset at points but not in that “blind panic, unable to cope, I need my baby blanket hysterical” way I was totally expecting.
The weird thing is I have talked about what happened to me lots and lots and blogged about it and all sorts but slowly over time the power these memories has over me has been ebbing away and I didn’t realise. I thought they still had the same power over me because I deliberately don’t think about thinking about them!
It’s bloody amazing! Plus some of the things I thought I had been ascribing since the exact moments in Munchkin’s birth turns out not to have been there at all. When reliving the memories those thoughts weren’t there at all. So I must have ascribed them afterwards, which means they can’t be as true as I thought. Still have some more pondering to do on that but it’s a pretty powerful realisation.
So all in all a really relieving and positive experience. I still have some talking to do and working things through but honestly am bloody amazed at how what I thought was going to be a really horrible reliving turned out to be such a positive experience.
Huzzah & Phew!