So what does the perfect mother actually look like?

I’ll hold my hands up. I have one of those really annoying perfectionist control freak alpha female type personalities, but I will happily admit to being a slattern and a bit of a crap wife and mother sometimes (and suppress the guilt burning in my soul ;))

I think these types of personalities are more prone to struggling a bit with motherhood (and maybe PND/PTSD) because we have this notion of “perfect” that is unachievable and then we beat ourselves up when we don’t achieve it.  It’s really not a great strategy!

I think mothers like me probably compare ourselves to other mothers way way to much, worry about other mothers judging us for XYZ and just constantly berate ourselves for not meeting our own (or what they imagine other mothers have as ) high motherly standards.

But what does the perfect mother actually look like?  There are a million variables to motherhood and no right or wrong answer into how you bring up your child, there are some definite NO’s obviously (beating up your kid or starving them or whatnot but apart from that anything goes). Plus THE MAJORITY OF IT IS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL ANYWAY. You may have angel child, you may have child from hell but I reckon (nay I know!) very little of that is actually down what you do or don’t do, so much of it is genes, luck, circumstance all sorts of things but not whether you fed them only organic food from 6months etc etc.

So the perfect mother can’t possibly exist because the very notion is flawed.  So yeah I am a work in progress on that front. But main thing is me and Munchkin (and Womble when she appears) muddle along okay and we adore each other. That’s all you really need innit.


About LadyCurd

Likes ladybirds & lemon curd. On reflection combining the two names was a mistake.
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4 Responses to So what does the perfect mother actually look like?

  1. Pingback: CBT appointment 4 | childbirthptsdandme

  2. MissMolecules says:

    Since having children, I constantly torture myself with thoughts about my inadequacy as a mother. I work too much, I’m too strict, I don’t spend enough quality time with them, I’m generally crap and messing them up! We are out own harshest critics and should really give ourselves a break. In all honesty, I don’t want to be the perfect mum, she sounds like a right boring cow and not someone I would want to be friends with. My babies love me despite my flaws, real or imagined, just as I love my mum. I like the idea of being a work in progress, we are learning together.

  3. KatieB says:

    That is all you really need, absolutely :0) The thing about mother’s is that the ones who look like they’re really coping on the outside are often the ones that aren’t, like you say the notion of a perfect mother is completely flawed, none of us are perfect and are never going to be!

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