Interesting thing came up for me today.
Was having lunch with a lovely friend. She asked me how things were- she knows about all the PTSD and whatnot, and she knew I was off to CBT. Found myself blathering on a bit about it- when actually I don’t think I really wanted to talk about it at that time but for some reason I felt I had to or that it was expected to because she knew about what was going on for me, and I thought she might want an update. I think its also difficult because obviously being pregnant people want to know how you are and then I always think that links into conversations about birth options etc etc when it really doesn’t have to! I think my poor friend was actually asking about the pregnancy (d’oh) and I could have/should have answered “Oooh I felt some lovely little somersaults today” etc. but for some reason instead I started to blather as usual. The thing is I keep doing this with all my family and friends. It has got to the point now where the talking about it round and round in circles is becoming a bit of a hindrance rather than a help.
I kinda feel that going on about the PTSD, or the CBT or the ELCS decision to too many people is making me feel that I appear more flaky and mental than I actually am! And I don’t like that. I also feel its a bit self obsessed and then I miss out on talking about nice stuff with my friends (which I did in todays lunch as we didn’t have much time- so sorry!) So although I am going to continue with my blog and tweeting the odd thing I am really going to work hard on not mentioning this stuff in every bloody conversation you have with me. If you ask me how I am- I will answer truthfully- I’m fine maybe mention a bit about how pregnancy- how are you! (this isn’t a lie- I really am fine- just at min I have tendency to go – Yeah good- but blah blah ELCS or Midwife blah CBT blah birth etc etc.- which is actually awfully dull- sorry!)
I just feel I am having the same conversations so many times with so many different people and its no longer helping me proceed on from this instead its making me feel a bit stuck. If you are a friend reading this when something comes up for me that you need to know about there will be a new post here or I will actually bring it up but for now I am focusing on answering those lovely caring “how is the pregnancy going?” questions with a “It’s great- she’s a little wriggler” and answering in the here and now and not my blathering brain.
(This was worked out in my CBT appointment2– very positive experience)